Sacrificial love of Jesus

In the last letter, I talked about my relationship with God and how my selfishness or sinfulness made it impossible to maintain the relationship. Can there be any fellowship between God who is known to be extremely holy and a man like me who is extremely sinful? Furthermore, is it worthy and necessary for me to have such fellowship with God when I am so much different from Him? If so, how can I fill the gap between myself and the Absolute for peaceful fellowship? All these questions may sound too religious and metaphysical. Yet I believe that if we can find answers to the questions, they will shed an entirely new light in our vision and guide our lives into a new realm that we have never imagined and experienced before.

 

When I studied the Bible, the word that attracted my attention most was ‘righteousness.’ What made the term attractive was my desire to have peace in my heart. We often experience the value of righteousness in daily life. For example, we should finish our homework before the due date. If a student has finished his homework early through hard working, he will enjoy peace in his heart. on the contrary, if one is caught for cheating at the final examination, his whole effort throughout the semester will come to nothing. In the same way, if a marathoner deviates from the course and takes a shortcut, he will be disqualified. For a student or a marathoner, his ‘righteousness’ is far more important than his ‘performance’ because righteousness justifies the performance and any ‘sin’ in the course will nullify all the outcomes no matter how good they are. 

 

I think that people’s life is comparable to an examination or a marathon race. We are tested through our life and then rewarded according to what we have done. Before we achieve anything, however, first we should be right. If not, our achievements are invalid. Thus, we need righteousness more than anything else, even at the cost of everything else including ‘life.’ This was why righteousness was sound so attractive to me. As I said before, however, I tried to be a good person by observing rules only to find myself hopeless and helpless. The more I was exposed to the light of God, the more I felt guilty and my soul was condemned ferociously. I was afraid of God. Sometimes I was startled just by someone’s calling behind me. It seemed that I was always being judged by someone even when I was alone inside the bathroom. 

 

Then I studied the Bible again from the starting point, assuming that I didn’t know anything. What was the Bible telling about my agony? one day I read the story that Jesus washed the disciples’ feet, which is so famous even among non-Christians. When Jesus tried to wash Peter, the most loyal one among Jesus’ followers, Peter refused to be washed, saying “You shall never wash my feet.” He might think that it was too rude for him as a disciple to let his teacher wash his dirty feet. His refusal is quite understandable. But Jesus told him sternly, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” Surprising!!! Peter behaved nicely, but Jesus did not praise him and even spoke a very scary word. Peter would be no more than a stranger to Jesus if he did not allow Jesus to wash his dirty feet. What does this mean? 

 

I thought about Peter and also myself. We were similar to each other. Both, as Jesus’ disciples, we tried to behave nicely. Contrary to our efforts to be nice, however, what Jesus wanted to see was not our nice part (in fact, there was no such a part in me) but the dirtiest part in us. only then Jesus would receive me and have a relationship with me. It is odd!!! In human relations, we struggle to show our best to others and, in return, demand others to show their best. In order to maintain the relationships, we have to cover up our smelly parts. In fact, this has been my ‘righteousness.’ I tried to hide my sin but the struggle was of no avail before God. Even Jesus insisted on seeing it and said that it was the only way for Peter to be connected to Jesus. Jesus loved Peter with the best love, and out of the love he wanted to wash Peter’s worst sin. That’s it. The best love and the worst sin! The Merciful Savior and the hopeless sinner! Now I understood why people call the message of the Bible “Good News.” I don’t have to pretend nice. I can be naked before Jesus. I felt good, really good.  

 

When Jesus washed my sin, he did it with his blood. This may sound somewhat scary. Christians often say, “We drink the blood of Jesus Christ.” I may rephrase this, “We take advantage of Jesus’ death.” This means that I had to die on account of my sin but Jesus died for me so that I may live.” Imagine that you take advantage of the death of someone else, for example, killing a person in order to get an organ for transplantation. That must be the most vicious crime that we can imagine. In fact, this is what happened between Jesus and me. We don’t want to commit such a vicious crime. Being conscientious, we are reluctant to accept that my sin has been washed away by the blood of sinless Jesus. However, God does not call it ‘vicious crime.’ He calls it ‘sacrificial love.’ He also urges us to receive the love ‘by faith.’ We may have a long way to go until attaining clear understanding of this love. Like a child, however, we can enjoy the love right now if we believe.